Jerry, you need to find god
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
