.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
