I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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