coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
