so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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