I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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