I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I want her autograph on my taint
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
