so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
