Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
