Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm bleeding and have questions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
