he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
