well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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