Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
