Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
