I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
