dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
