So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
