thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
