Dual....:-)
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
