What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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