I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
