mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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