Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
