call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
