if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
