I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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