What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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