Duck Duck Cougar?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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