how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
