so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
