I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
