i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
