I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
