he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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