I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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