Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
