So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
