i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My breasts were aching with rage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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