This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
