is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
