I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
