I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
