Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
