He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
