We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
