Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
