I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
