her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
