i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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