I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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