a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
