Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
