The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
