Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
